Bogeys

If there’s something I like better than soup it’s a good bogey. You know how it is where you sometimes find your nasal passages feeling a bit, well, thick. Get yer finger up there I say and hook out the mucus. Some days they can be right meaty. All thick and sticky with a slightly salty taste to them. There’s the added satisfaction of knowing that you’ve actually nurtured this thing – a sort of living, breathing entity. Have you noticed how some of them are a grey colour but how the heck do they get to be green?

Soup

Did someone say soup? Oh yes, soup, now you're talking. I love soup. Me mam makes it all the time. I'd say I've been on a gastronomic odyssey down the highways and byways of fish, vegetable and meat stocks for some time now. Love the stuff. Me mam says there's nowt better you can do with bones than render them down into a decent broth.

In the end that's what we did to our Roger. It were sad but he'd been unwell for quite a while and in the end I think he just gave up. I was devastated because he was like a brother to me. We went everywhere together. He'd sometimes sleep in my room and we'd have midnight feasts and I'd read to him before we both fell asleep.

Me mam said it were probably a blessing and there was no pain now but putting him into the ground straight away would be a waste and wouldn't do nobody any good. I was famished too. So we cut him up and made soup with him. None of your fancy, thin consommés like in France nor cold Spanish gazpacho - Roger was warm. No, a thick Manchester broth it was, the stuff Salford were built on.

In the end I like to think that Roger slipped away early, on purpose to satisfy my hunger. Now he's all gone, dregs too. I suppose it'll be back to the cuppa soup for a while.

At least until Susan shuffles off her mortal coil.

Manky

Maintenance

I was going to write here earlier but I had a bit of maintenance to do. I was enjoying a black pudding and peanut butter sandwich when I sneezed and me keyboard caught the brunt of it. So I spent ages fishing out bits of fat and nuts from between the keys. Combined with me spittle it formed an emulsion which was quite tricky to remove.

Mind you, I'd been having trouble with the W for a while and guess what it was. A big fat toe-nail clipping that had ricocheted off the screen a couple of weeks ago and got wedged. Anyways it's all fixed now.

Nose Ring

I saw this chap on the Internet and it reminded me that I used to have a nose ring too. Unfortunately I lost it. I'm not sure but I think it went when I were stuck into a cheese and pickle barm cake and I reckon it fell into it and I swallowed it because I had this strange sensation. I knew it wouldn't be the barm cake as Mr Holroyd the baker is most particular. As I were saying I reckon I swallowed the nose ring and so I thought what goes in must come out again. Next time I went for a poo I took a knife with me so that I could cut it up and find the errant jewellery. Trouble was it turned out to be one of them phantom turds and when I looked in bog it had already slithered round the bend. So that were the end of me facial adornments.

Any road it's time for me medication and then off to bed. Night, chuck.

Manky

Right at home

Oh, I do feel right at home here. I'm going to like this place. Me mam says I've got a way about me that can recognise good people so I reckon I’ll find lots of friends here which is good as I haven’t really got any now. I think it were all a fuss over nothing but the man from the Environmental Health down at the Council weren’t too happy. I mean, you can’t help a blockage can you? And then there’s the other stuff but I’ll maybe go into that later, when I know you a bit better.

This is right good this is.

Manky

Welcome to MankyWorld

Hi, I'm The Mancunian but you can call me Manky for short. Everyone else does. I don't know why.

Any road, I've been thinking about writing a blog for ages and I came across this site and thought that’s it, that’s the one for me. I could use that to spread the word and tell everyone about me. I could call it MankyWorld.

Smashing, just smashing!

Manky